Dear Pointless, Stupid, Idiotic, and Dull Diary
by ThoroughlyModernMillie
Summary: Take a look inside Lulu's diary and see what goes on in her mind. Oh, imagine the possibilities...
1. Happy Birthday, Lucy!

**A/N: Hey, everyone! It's me again. I am so sorry for not updating my Madeleine/Garrison story, but I just grew frustrated with it. I hated how I wrote it, and I plan to maybe rewrite it someday. For now, enjoy this story about Miss Lulu Punchalower.**

**Lots of love,**

**Isadora Rosalie Quagmire**

* * *

><p><strong>Entry #1: Happy Birthday, Lucy!<strong>

Dear Diary,

Mother and Father got me this diary for my birthday. Who on this earth gives their daughter a diary for her birthday? Anyways, they're forcing me to write in this book to express my "feelings" and "emotions" and to get my "anger issues" out. I honestly don't get why they think I have anger issues. I have a perfect temper! Why just yesterday I only yelled at my brother fifty-two times. Trust me, I counted.

As you may have noticed, today is my birthday. Oh, joy. It's just another day when I turn older. The happiest part is, I'm closer to dying than the year before. Why do we even celebrate our day of birth? If I were my mother, I would definitely not want to remember giving birth. Scratch that. She already doesn't want to remember that day.

Okay, so I got presents from all my best buds, and let's just say I thought they were all pretty awesome.

**Maddie:** A set of black and midnight blue nail polish

**Garrison:** A black shirt that says 'Watch out! I'm an angry bomb on the verge of exploding'

**Theo:** A pink scarf

You know what? I change my mind. _Maddie's _and _Garrison's_ gifts were cool. Theo, on the other hand, was being a total nincompoop for getting me a scarf. It's bad enough that it's summer right now, but is also had to be pink?

Want to see my thank you cards I sent back to them?

* * *

><p>Dear Maddie,<p>

Thanks for the set of nail polish! Surprisingly, those are actual colors I like. Hope to see you sometime soon!

* * *

><p>Dear Garrison,<p>

You know what I think? I think you're suggesting that I have anger issues. Well, for your information, I DON'T! Anyways, thanks for the gift. It actually amused me.

* * *

><p>Dear Theo,<p>

Oh, you so do not want to know what is on my mind about you right now.

* * *

><p>See? Aren't friends great? Well, don't ask me about friends because I don't have that much experience with them. Now if you'll excuse me, I must go throw the rock my brother gave me as a present at him.<p>

Yours truly,

Lulu P.


	2. The Worst Holiday of the Year

**A/N: I have decided to make a late Valentine's Day chapter. **

**Oh, and I would absolutely _love_ it if all you readers out there gave me topic suggestions or your opinions. It's always nice to hear what you all think or want to see.**

* * *

><p><strong>Entry #2: The Worst Holiday of the Year<strong>

Dear Diary,

Do you know which holiday I hate the most? Well, if you don't know this, then you're stupid. It's Valentine's Day. I mean, what's the big deal about it? It's just a day where every couple in the world spends the day with their girlfriend or boyfriend or maybe they prefer the term "sweetheart." It just makes sick.

You see, I've never had a boyfriend or a crush, so I don't know what all these people are going on about. Take Madeleine, for example.

* * *

><p><em><strong>-Flashback-<strong>_

Lulu was in her room, lying on her bed, when she got the phone call.

"Yellow?" Lulu finally answered after a few rings.

"Lulu, thank heavens you answered! Something incredibly amazing happened today!" the British girl exclaimed with utter happiness.

"What is it, Maddie?" Lulu asked slowly, wondering what could make a girl sound that happy.

"Garrison actually sent me a text this morning. A _text_! I thought he would have forgotten about me by now."

"Well, "Lulu started, feeling the topic of the conversation to be somewhat awkward since she had no intention of ever talking about boys with another female, "I'm happy for you, Maddie. Erm, why don't we talk about the weather-?"

"He's just so dreamy," Madeleine mused aloud with a soft sigh. "If he were a cloud, I bet he'd be super soft."

"That's nice…Oh, wait, what's that, Mother? You need me to babysit Liam? Sure, that sounds like fun!" Lulu lied with a false cheery voice. "Sorry, Maddie, I would love to continue talking about your love for Garrison, but I need to watch my little brother."

"Okay, goodbye, Lulu," she said, smiling from the other side of the Atlantic Ocean.

Lulu then took away the cell phone from her ear, hung up, then stared at it with a raised eyebrow. Sometimes she just didn't understand other girls.

* * *

><p>Honestly, I think about 99.9% of girls these days are getting their hopes up. They just need to face the facts.<p>

1. I'm sorry, but I honestly believe that there are more girls in this world than boys. Some of you will sadly end up dying single and lonely. If you're a girl like me, you won't mind this that much.

2. Not every guy out there looks like Brad freaking Pitt.

3. Guys are usually total idiots and will not buy you anything for Valentine's Day.

4. If a guy does buy you something, then it'll most likely be a crappy box of stale chocolate.

I speak directly from the heart.

Valentine's Day is the most stupidest holiday to ever be invented, and I think we'd be better off celebrating Hanukkah on the 14th of February.

Forever yours,

Lucy Punchalower

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Hope you enjoyed the chapter! For the record, I have nothing this major against Valentine's Day. I do believe, however, that if you truly loved someone, you would love them every day of the year. Not just on Valentine's Day like I see happening in this world today.**

**-Isadora Rosalie Quagmire**


End file.
